Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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