Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize