Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
