are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
