no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
