I wish I only lived at night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
