I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
