2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
