Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
