Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
