Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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