We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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