im drinking this country out of the recession.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
