the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
