I want to have your abortion
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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