no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
