Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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