My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
