my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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