I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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