I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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