I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
