Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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