I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
