take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
