grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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