I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
