I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
