i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
