end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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