TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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