there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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