Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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