So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
