your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
me + whiskey = a bad person
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
