Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
