I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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