one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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