the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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