He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
