He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
