Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
