You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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