its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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