who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
