Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
