Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
