This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
