I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
