is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
