your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
