Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
