i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Randomize
