The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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