Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
