tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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