I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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