dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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