we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
