woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
