Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
