I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
someone owes me an orgasm
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is my gift to your gina
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
