I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
