Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
