I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His nipple licking is glorious
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