I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
