he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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