Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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