hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
