dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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