I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
