4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I AM VODKA MAN
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
