I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
