forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
