All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize