I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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