Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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