I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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