Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
