is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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