i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
