I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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