I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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