I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
