You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this just has baby written all over it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
