Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
