i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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