Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
