who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
